one crumb from one person every day


7 | 01 | 03

I know these are dramatic questions, but really. I need something solid.
I guess the only thing I can trust to hold on to is myself. Somewhere deep inside is an immovable pole. Like a stripper pole. Where I am performing naked mental hijinks.

7 | 02 | 03

I'd take a week or two off from work if I could, but we're too darn busy there too. I'm DOOOOOOMED. So are you, if you keep staying up all nght and fuelling yourself with tea. Sheesh!

7 | 03 | 03

I will survive - I feel good, moved in with a buddy and I don't have knots in my stomach anymore so that is a good sign.

I weep for the future.

7 | 04 | 03

Coincidentally, last night I was singing the Merlin jingle to Ereck:

Where's Merlin? Where did it go?
Janie's got it playing Tic-tac-toe!
Now where's Merlin? Better come clean--
In the kitchen with Mom playing Music Machine!

7 | 05 | 03

How does one reconcile the reductionism of artifical intelligence with Heidegger's ontico- ontological difference? It is rare to find someone who is interested in the cognitive science model of the mind who also is familiar with Heidegger's questions concerning technology.

7 | 06 | 03

I don't want any company I work for to either fail or just cut loose their developers on a whim. That would seriously piss me off.

7 | 07 | 03

no cuddles = not good

7 | 08 | 03

Think marketing picked the screenshot?

7 | 09 | 03

Is there any way on earth that I can reqire my brain so I will not be letting this rattle around all fucking day long? Because seriously, I will stick hot wires in through my eyes.

7 | 10 | 03

I wish I could just let myself know emotionally what I know cognitively, that what was deep between us required my idealization of his potential.

7 | 11 | 03

I think it's just geekthink. Like if I just explain everything, it will work perfectly and we won't have to address my underlying inexplicable creepiness. Although I may just be having my usual reaction to overtly sexual het men.

7 | 12 | 03

So, sadly, no, not fucking w/you

7 | 13 | 03

I wanted to believe in a beautiful happy ending (or happy beginning) so much that I think I put a spin on what he said/did to make it seem so. I have to remember that people will, when given the chance, disappoint. My goal this year is to stop reproving that to myself at every opportunity. I will need a lot of extra time to do that.

7 | 14 | 03

pathos, backsliding, collapsing, sadness
hoping to not be sick
very very behind

aka. the usual

7 | 15 | 03

Thanks for your appalling voicemail the other day.

7 | 16 | 03

i would run in and speak rapidly and continuously for an hour and a half, and for the most part he would look at me with large, doleful eyes like an attentive fish.

7 | 17 | 03

Maybe I just wanted to have this story - my true love who I recognized the moment I saw him, and b/c of forces of the system he was ripped away from me, thrown into a cage full of criminals and hauled off to the jungles of South America, friendless and bikeless, snakes everywhere, while I wept and swore up and down the world's not big enough to keep me from finding him again.

Am I nuts?

Don't answer that.

7 |18 | 03

Check out the merchandise - Jesus thongs that say "Speak in tongues"!

7 | 19 | 03

(from viagra spam) Gentlemen, Stop The Embarrasment Now!

7 | 20 | 03

What do I have to offer -- besides the ability to crack wise
and the complete inability to approach, even gingerly,
the most remote outskirts of adult behavior?

7 | 21 | 03

is this one of those "i have a truly wonderful thesis, but the margin of this cocktail napkin wont contain it" kind of things?

7 | 22 | 03

Maybe what we want from relationships is just to tell e/o how we feel, even when it's dramatic or silly, and then snuggle and fuck and be accepted regardless.

7 | 23 | 03

Yes, life would be wonderful if we all could maintain some even keel emotions about other people, if we could be beautiful automatons (my word of the day) forever. But we can not, you know why, because people are a problem. Not us, other people.

7 | 24 | 03

I am thinking that LoveTivo may just be the way you make your first million, my friend. You have the technological knowhow. You have the idea. All you need is the willingness and determination to do it.

7 | 25 | 03

I am running through 6030 possibilities in my mind. Damn you imagination.

7 | 26 | 03

Grr, human emotion is so confounding, I don't think I deserve this. I am a good person and I try to be nice to people all the time, I shouldn't be this stupid.

7 | 27 | 03

I don't know, I feel like I am reading signals wrong or something. What are the signals? There has to be something more than turning away from me and less than shoving his hand up my shirt. Are there? I don't get it. How do you know?

7 | 28 | 03

I was just thinking, do you think we are consumed by said shit not b/c we are weak people who base their existence off others, but b/c we are failing to resolve problems as they arise or make peace with things?

7 | 29 | 03

Rejection avoidance. I am thinking of opening a roadside stand to offer my expertise on this particular topic. Can I get a PhD in this?

7 | 30 | 03

i hope it all works out soon, and the stress melts away like so much... um... melty stuff on top of a.... hot thing.

7 | 31 | 03

I got my hands on a very cool CD with black-and-white video of Kyuzo Mifune, one of the old masters of judo, demonstrating a bunch of throws. He embodies judo's motto of "maximum efficiency." I've been spending my spare time watching old Mifune toss guys in slow-motion, and I'm making copies for friends. Gosh, how dull can I be?

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