gewgaw

I finally went to see Fahrenheit 9/11, after reading a bunch of reviews and talking it over with friends (some who’d seen it, some who were apprehensive but planned to). I wasn’t really sure to expect; any expectations I did have were low. I figured the film would be somewhere between mildly annoying and royally upsetting – emotions generated either by the subject – or Moore’s treatment of it.

Overall, I agree with many of the criticisms and praises I’ve heard and read. It has some of the flaws that his other films have, and his tendency to lead in interview subjects (and cut in) is particularly bad form. But the style of storytelling (top down, then bottom up) and the general messages of these parts really worked. It made me cry (which is not hard) but it also surprised me (which is a little more difficult).

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It really *was* well edited. The sound-only portrayal of the towers falling was especially powerful. I kept wondering how that black square looked to the audience – each of us seeing our television, our computer screen, or faces of friends and loved ones as they tried to deal with the news. This, followed by so much slow-mo footage of papers and ashes floating in the sky… compelling.

I was similarly moved by the footage of soldiers and civilians dealing with onslaughts they didn’t expect or understand. It’s one thing to see photographs of maimed children, disgruntled servicemen and wailing women – it’s another to see it all in motion and set end to end with music. His craft has definitely improved, and his punk-ish instincts gave over to empathy and quieter contemplation more often than I would have predicted.

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I disagree with Justin about the shots of Bush Senior with the Saudis.

I agree that we have to avoid demonizing any particular group unduly (tho the Saudi government certainly has issues) and I get that business today is about lots of handshakes across lay-lines. But I think the segment was right on. It demonstrated the point that GWB has an incredible amount of influence over a broad selection of powerful and affluent people – and that the Bushes (and Bushies) have used this influence to play both ends against the middle for great personal gain.

It’s important to embrace economic progress – but it’s crucial that we maintain boundaries between geo-political and financial maneuvering. That’s what democracy’s all about, right? Managing the forces that shape the economy so that everyone gets a fair shake? At least – nominally? The scene where Dubya addresses “the haves – and the have mores” as “my base” is pretty damning. One wonders what his writers were thinking.

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On the other hand: the story of workers as sacrificial lambs can get tired, and Moore *could* have flogged us with it endlessly – but he didn’t. The contrast between capital interests and working-class devotion came off as a powerful one. What was the goal of his bi-directional approach?

I felt he was pointing a finger at the converted here. People like myself, who are somewhere in that murky place where both narratives meet. Us liberal indignants – sucking up the sentiments of MoveOn or The Believer or The Economist… pissed but somehow (effectively) agnostic. Like the kids along the back wall at a rock show – too cool to head-bang. Bored, but eyeing the stage… waiting to be entertained. What will it take?

I ask honestly, not glibly. Apathetic as the next person, I contribute little to larger political causes, content to work on my pet projects and theories. I stay relatively uninformed, because I know I’m not trying to be part of the solution – and knowing more only makes me feel worse about both the situation and my (willing?) powerlessness.

In a big way, this film only reinforced that trend. I left the theater feeling totally exhausted and overwhelmed. Not because there was a ton of news value in the message – but because it was honed well for my brand of politics.

I guess what I would like is more analysis – more indication of how we can avoid this kind of thing in the future. Perhaps the colossal mess we’re in now will be enough to keep the next generation of voters from punching based on what Fox News offers as bait. I certainly hope so.

But I can’t help feeling dubious. We can vote Bush out of office, but is there any way to fix what’s been broken? Beyond lives lost and hatreds roused, to the lax media and public, and the cycle of finance that feeds and feeds upon ignorance and fruitless skirmishes. It seems so hopeless!

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Once a goth, always a goth I suppose. I’m listening to Bauhaus and working on my coin tricks right now.

Actually, I’m puzzeling over this wacky fetish site (suggested by a friend at the office who *actually knows* the guy who runs it)… which even features a blog! Goths and balloons – who knew? My (office safe) favorites here and here.

Western culture is base and depraved? Goths all about being down? Lies, lies and more lies, I tell you. And more just around the corner, at the top of the hour. Stay tuned, America!

Even more awesome than Achewood – my friend Lulu has started to draw comics as a way to document her adventures in SF.

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A long time ago – seemingly in another life – I considered a career in comics. I had been collecting “autobiographical” and “alternative” comics for a while (as abrupt as Deepgirl and as involved as Stray Toasters) – and seeing Seth Tobocman and Adrian Tomine’s early work really inspired me.

I’d studied art all through my early years and was particularly fond of drawing… seriously considered going to art school at some point, competed for scholarships and everything! But in the end, I felt too scattered to do art full-time. I doubted I could cope with the art school grind, and also didn’t think I had a lot of compelling things to say. I needed more input!

After choosing the U of C (where I concentrated (*cough*) on autobiographical memory, stories, computers and art) I worked as an illustrator for the Chicago Literary Magazine, the Grey City Journal and the Baffler. I enjoyed breaking up long periods of study and writing with a few hours of illustration. It freed me to focus on a limited but precise set of mechanical movements – which I suppose I’d say about cycling and climbing as well. I found it challenging, but relaxing.

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While my favorite illustration medium was scratchboard (the poor man’s block print – which I still love), I sketched and painted as well. I took classes at Midway Studios, built myself a hardwood easel, thrifted a large 50’s-era drafting desk and invested in a bunch of fancy gear. Comics seemed like a logical next step – something that combined my intense love of the written word with the mechanical focus and release of crafting representational 2D images…

After a few months of procrastinating and some letters to my favorite artists and authors (some actually wrote back!!) I decided to bite the bullet. I sketched every day, did some preliminary investigations into a story or two… but nothing seemed to stick. I squirreled away interesting anecdotes, saw or imagined sad/funny/notable things on a regular basis – but by the time I sat down to render it all, the impulse to create had usually dissolved.

Time passed, projects came and went. I learned to use a video camera and made a couple of dorky student art/films. I continued my illustration work while learning to program, design web pages and build user interfaces. Eventually, I even rediscovered photography. But no comics!

Looking back, I think I enjoyed illustrating because it involved creating a single companion image for a larger body of text – or a broad emotional outpouring (as when working with poems or stories in the lit mag). It seemed… economical! Similarly, when I try to describe why I enjoy photography so much, the “thousand words” part is key. You can say so much – just by looking at the right time, being in the right place. I love reading comics – but as a creator, I’m a bit lazy (and verbose) for the medium.

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Lulu doesn’t seem to have this problem. It’s not that she’s especially quiet or terse – it’s just that she has the right kind of eye and wit for creating those brief windows into other viewpoints. Even in her first strip she demonstrates an uncanny ability to sketch and write *just enough* to make you curious, and then – to make you smile.

I’m sure Scott has thought of some clever phrase for this vague comic-authoring ability… something to do with sequence and juxtaposition and clarity of purpose. All I know is that reading about Lulu’s pink-triangle trek made me want to visit with her in person – and that’s a good thing!

Keep it up girl! I look forward to future panels!!

Achewood is so awesome.

On Saturday night I went with Matt and friends to Lincoln square, where we indulged in authentic German beer, fare and entertainment. Then it was off to the Old Town School, where we indulged in the nonstop love-song musings of the Magnetic Fields.

I have seen the varied incarnations of this band several times over the years – most often in intimate but “clubby” environs that were packed with 20-something fans in cardigans and heavy black glasses (as was the style at the time). So it was a bit strange to sit at a dinner-theater table, surrounded by such a “mature” and ecclectic collection of listeners. It felt a bit like public television!

Perhaps it was the sober, folk-y nature of the venue that focused my attention on the difference between Claudia and Stephin (chatting like two familiar bar flies) and their quiet companions on guitar and cello (John and Sam). It’s a bit eerie – they could be robots, with all they contribute to the patter. And that would actually be kind of appropriate, given all those lyrics about lonely robots, estranged aliens, and poor communicators.

Either way, the patter was great – including an extended, rambling comparison between Mr. Merritt’s current ukulele, and the new one he bought at the School’s instrument shop. And the music was sad and beautiful and self-indulgent as ever. I did not leave dry-eyed.

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I spent most of today playing Harvest Moon with Doug – which was also a bit strange. Remember how I said last week that I rarely spend an entire afternoon in my pjs gaming (and refraining from showers)? Well, there goes *that* theory.

As with most sims and RPGs (at least, for me), there was that initial feeling of frustration, as we attempted to learn the game’s cycles and structures… But once across the learning gap, we settled into a nice groove of small triumphs, experiments, and discoveries.

We’re almost through the first year – and things are looking good! We raised a rooster from scratch (and sold it for $500), caught the eye of the “surly but intelligent” girl in town (why is it that the intelligent girls are always *surly* and hard to impress?), stored plenty of goodies for the winter, and saved just enough cash to breed our star milk-cow. Not too shabby for a couple of greenhorns!

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While playing, it struck me just how much sims bring out particular personality traits – which makes them especially interesting to play with other people.

You may want to spend early and often, ramping up the crops and selling large bushels at the market – but what if your friend/roommate/partner would rather save and experiment with different variatals, store things away for trial recipes, or give them to the townsfolk (hoping for future hints and favors)?

In Harvest Moon, this kind of decision making extends to animal care, human relations and eventually, life planning! Can you agree on the best way to foster baby chicks and how long to leave your favorite horse out to pasture? Will you spoil your puppies with fish and meat or leave them a few roots and scraps? Should you visit the pretty barmaid, or attempt to impress the surly world-traveler? And if you do get married – what about kids?

An interesting way to see how well you and your fellow players mesh – or fail to!

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A farming game. It may sound kind of tedious, but after hearing the birds chirp at 6 am every simulated day, spending plenty of time fishing, watering plants and caring for livestock – I kind of wish I could take a… farming vacation? Just a couple of weeks to immerse myself in the long tasklist of a dairy – rising and setting with the sun – all that crap.

Of course, it’s almost 6 am now – the sun is just coming up. Time to milk the cows! I mean …sleep!

Today was my friend Lily’s 4th birthday party… the 5th one she’s had this week! Between grandparents, school and family celebration on her *actual birthday* (which was Tuesday), she’s had a busy schedule.

Lily and Ian are the children of my friend and colleague Robin, who I first met while an undergraduate at U of C. He studied with Roger Shank at Yale and then Northwestern’s Institute for Learning Sciences (which is now Northwestern’s Computer Science Department) – my current office just steps from where he wrote his dissertation.

When working in the same lab, people took to calling us Boy Robin and Girl Robin. When I visit the family, the kids now call me Girl Robin, so they don’t get confused looks from us when they shout for help or a play companion. It is a funny nickname, and I didn’t realize until today how much I missed it. About 5 people call me Girl Robin in the whole wide world.

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Lily’s parents affectionately refer to her as a “human tornado”. She is bright, and full of energy – and reminds me of a toddler-sized Bjork. How fitting that one of her favorite gifts from the birthday bash (she opened only 2 so the jury is really still out on this) was a neon green harmonica. Within minutes she could play notes, and was going around asking people if they wanted to hear her “song”. Her grandmother was a piano player and an opera singer – perhaps music is Liily’s gift as well…

At one point, having all the big kids around kind of made Lily feel shy, and I became a sort of personal slave (some lifting and piggy back rides, but mostly helping her explore). While adventuring, we found a huge hole in the sand, which she decided was her favorite thing on the entire beach. We must have spent half an hour staring into it, throwing stuff into it, and so on.

Towards the end of the evening we had to go back and get her shoes from the beach – she rode my shoulders. After finding her small sneakers and purple star socks, we went to “check in” with the hole (her phrasing). It was still there.

Walking back, I remarked that she was a pretty special lady having her very own giant sand hole, not to mention having all these great people come out for her birthday party. “Yes,” she said, “they are all my friends. But you are my special love friend, because I love you!”

Kids are so awesome!!

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Playing with small folks was a great way to end the week. When I got home, I had sand in my pants, shoes, and ears. It was a wonderful time.

I was looking up some information on matrix transformations and found this little eigenvector applet and then, started wandering….

Eventually I found this nifty microtonal tuning simulator select the salinas 1/3 tuning and play the tonal major and close your eyes… it *almost* sounds like the broken calliopes at The House On The Rock

And if that makes you nostalgic, you can buy yourself some lovely recordings or perhaps, your very own band organ. That sounds perverse, doesn’t it? For $19,999.95, you’d think it should be!

Also – the other night I finally snapped a photo of the beautiful staircase shadow on the building just south of my office. It was foggy, and the diffusion made everything look spooky. But good spooky (unlike the clown whose playing that carnival music).

Speaking of which: what is it about clowns, anyway? Scary like this lady sad, like this girl.

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More wackiness: It appears that this is a great year to be in high school – that is: if you play basketball. I watched the draft while eating dinner – what the heck? Half of the first half were barely shaving!

Remarks from the commentators roused boos and hisses from the crowd. “A weak draft” said one. “There’s nothing *left* in college basketball!” said another. At least Jameer Nelson finally got chosen (tho immediately traded – his kid looked better in the Magic hat anyway). Orlando now hosts high-school number 1 pick and the college player that seemed most effected by the “potential” trend.

And finally – more random stuff I saw walking around town. When I asked the dog guy if I could take some pictures of his companion, he sighed aloud and said “Sure, everyone *else* does!”

Maybe the sunglasses are the trick? On second thought – it’s probably the Jordan jersey.

Perspectives on some of our species’ baser instincts:

Thanks to Art for this great link to an MSNBC article on women in games. Part teaser for Sheri’s book and the upcoming Austin conference, part review of E3, part discussion of the problems facing the industry when it comes to inviting and hiring more women. And thanks to Souris for the pointer to this sad example of what often befalls game girls in the public eye.

Hrm. Once women get into gaming (whether as a developer or ambassador such as Morgan) – is it hard to avoid becoming a trophy? Being the oddball – a girl who likes games, a girl who can program, a girl who can play really well – does that automatically doom you to showcase status? People certainly pay to gawk at girls and pretend it has something to do with gaming.

How sad/scary to think that one of the biggest hurdles facing accomplished women in gaming is the publicity machine that simultaneously promotes us – and the temptation to boost our (perchance battle-bruised, potentially scarred) egos with whatever press presents itself…. including “come hither” articles and pictorials that equate us with underwear models (and so on).

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When traveling, I’ve been haunting the magazine racks at airports, looking to see how “women who do” are portrayed w/r/t technology and entertainment, and generally looking for good articles. Elle recently had a piece on leading women that was pretty inspiring – career advice from successful women in finance, film.. and stand-up comedy.

Nylon has a similar piece in their summer music issue – covering women behind the scenes in the music biz (the full text includes a spot on video director Nzingha Stewart). The issue is actually loaded with great ladies (from PJ Harvey to Utada Hikaru) and features a thoughtful article on the politics of expression for petite punk mall-tour bombshell Avril Lavigne. Nestled amongst lots of product placement, but hey – it’s a magazine.

The most amazing thing I’ve found so far: am 10-page spread on the women of the Olympics, entitled “Women Who Win”. Each page features a photo of a top athletes in a designer outfits, with text outlining how and why they are champions. “I win because I am determined” is one of my favorites – courtesy of 18-year-old Allyson Felix, record holder in the 200-meter dash. The unlikely source of this inspired layout? Glamour magazine!!!

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Lastly: this is late coming but check out the new WIGD web page. That logo is awesome!!

• Colorquiz. I took it once last year and once this year – both times, it pretty much nailed my current mental state. Most of the women I forward this to find it incredibly compelling, while my guy friends are stumped and skeptical. “How can they tell that stuff from a bunch of colors?” It’s kind of like a horoscope – reads funny sometimes, depending on the results. But it is thought provoking, and I think everyone should try it at least once.
• Jurie on being a producer in games. After a lull (more on that in the entry) he’s back to posting and playing. I, for one, am glad. His latest post (on war games) is particularly awesome. Keep it up, Jurie!
• Shivers on writing a thesis topic sentence. Probabilistic estimation and dynamic adjustment are feasible and useful for interactive entertainment applications? Dynamic adjustment is feasible and useful for computer and video games? DDA is feasible and useful for….

Ladies and gentlemen, step right up! Witness the title bout between two lifelong foes: Team Frightful vs. The Inspiring Ones!

In the scary corner, for a combined weight of the world: Robin’s summer writing schedule (a short but nasty beast), and this sad person who we found at the Howard and Clark bus stop at 3am. How depressing!!

And on the other side of the ring, representing the forces of cute: a young bunny who is living in the hedgerow of the Computer Science building, and the mighty lemony flip flap.

Stay tuned, my friends – it’s bound to be an exciting fight!

I got an interesting email a couple of days ago from a student and aspiring game designer named Lucas (which, given how awesome Lucas was, has to be a good thing).

Lucas wants to make games – so he spends his time making them, as opposed to playing them. He plays, mind you – just not everything, all the time, or even whatever’s new. Partly it’s time, partly it’s that most games leave him thinking about how to improve the form.

Passionate gamers and industry affiliates have warned him. No dice as a game designer if he’s “not a gamer”. Lucas is curious: do I consider myself a gamer? Do I think they’re right?

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On Thursday I played through the first mission of Thief III. Today I did the first course of Ribbit King, and tomorrow, I’ll probably crack open Disaster Report. Over the next few weeks, I’ll play all of the games in my “playing” list, until they are done, or I’ve had enough.

My list is not necessarily a typical selection of games, and it’s often short – or empty. In fact – for almost a month, the only thing in my “playing” list was Yeti Sports’ Seal Throw (they have a new one – check it out).

And when I do game, I game on a pretty tight schedule. I play as a reward for progress on one of the zillion little things I’m cooking up, and try (tho not always successfully) to avoid “having dessert first”. I also try not to blow all my “free time” on games…

Damn! I just spent 45 minutes playing the Yeti game. Was checking the link in my html file – had to! Swear!

Yeah, I guess I’m a gamer.

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So why do I hesitate?

Part of what makes me wonder about my status as a “gamer” is my attitude about play. Part research, part fun, and part procrastination. I love games but rarely (at least, these days) indulge in a whole day of not-showering, in-my-pjs, up-till-3 gaming. And when I do get obsessed with a game, it’s more often an… evangelism that I feel – a compulsion to call my friends and expose them to something awesome (as with Katamari Damacy earlier this year).

The other thing that keeps me from flying the game freak flag is that my early gaming experiences (Atari, Commodore 64, NES, SNES, and early 90’s PC and console gaming) all happened on *other people’s hardware* (friends, my brother, boyfriends, or the university labs I worked in). Despite all the time I spent playing, I didn’t consider myself a “gamer” because I didn’t buy games.

What makes a gamer? Owning games? Playing lots of games? Playing often? Is it better to have passion about a particular game or genre (as in fandom, like with music and performers) or to be a connoisseur of the “right” games or the “best” games?

And does any of this matter when it comes to working in games?

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Lots of people who work in games don’t play games. Lawyers and secretaries, biz, marketing and sales folks. Plenty of cases where playing often doesn’t have a *clear* advantage job-wise (tho there are arguments to be made about that).

My $0.02: If you work as a developer, games should *excite* you. You may make time to play every top-selling title, you may prefer board games; could be that pro sports is your poison, or that you seek out the oddballs (like Yeti Sports and Incredible Crisis). But you should really relish what fits your tastes. It’s not a quantity thing or quality thing – it’s a love thing.

Find what you love and learn from it, enjoy it, make it part of your world. Talk to people about what *they* play – it can only do you good. And don’t be snobby or embarrassed about what you play. No matter what it was – if you played the shit out of it then you’re doing alright. Even if it was the only game that moved you all year. Even if you rented it, and played it on a borrowed Xbox.

The real question is: what KIND of gamer are you?

Chances are – you are one of the many “underserved” – a gamer in search of a niche. But that’s not a bad thing, necessarily. At some point, so was Will Wright!

So keep at it, Lucas. Don’t worry about how much you play, or whether you fit the Penny Arcade demographic. I sure as hell don’t. Love what you play – and when you can, build what you love. Nowhere to go but up!!

While responding to an email thread with a designer at Silicon Knights (makers of Eternal Darkness, one of my favorite early GC releases), I found out that Chris Crawford’s original McGraw-Hill softcover (which I picked up a couple of years ago for maybe 30 bucks) is now going for $250 on Amazon. Daaaaaamn! Guess I should move it out of “spill range” on the coffee table…

The thread: game design textbooks. Top three: Chris’ classic, Richard’s Game Design, Theory and Practice (new edition due soon!) and Eric and Katie’s Rules of Play. What’s missing? An exercise-based textbook that works though design ideas in a concrete fashion, either through programming or paper/board game design tasks. A Game Tuning Workshop book!

Hrm….

Tonight I had dinner with Marc, to discuss (among other things) the Spacerock 20XX demo that he gave last month at Northwestern’s Block museum. It’s basically an interactive installation with 96 individual controllers (buttons) wired to take signals and make sounds and shapes with them.

The event was part of a concert that combined visuals with music in interesting ways (No Doctors performed in front of a medical film of naked men having seizures – too bad I missed *that*). I’ve had the photos for a while – the event actually happened the same night Brian and Jeanne came into town – which is why I “missed” the No Doctors disturb-o-tron.

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It’s difficult to design for a theater full of people. Ideally, the game would blend aspects of group/sport/party and parlor games with a “classic” arcade-type feel. Something you can forgive for not being *too* responsive to individual inputs, but still get into.

Over some fried smelts and a bottle of La Chouffe, Marc and I discussed the problems of feedback, group participation and motivation. He has an interesting idea for a tug-of-war music game where individuals are slowly weeded out based on some performance metric. I like that: the progression from teams to last-man-standing… like the Olympics, I guess.

Right now, the controllers are the “weakest link”. Issues included noisy signals (one button signaling an entire row) to fear of (slight but unpleasant) electrical shock. Apparently, however, the Alder Planetarium’s crazy Star Rider Theater is wired with buttons for each seat! Marc is in the process of tracking this down. Can you imagine? Having *your game* be the trippy space-out experience for hundreds of stoned teenagers at midnight on a summer Saturday? Dude, awesome!

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Among the “other things” Marc and I discussed: his future. He’s been working in a grad lab since he graduated last fall, reading a pile of books on C++ (the fancy advanced stuff), teaching himself all manner of APIs, and dreaming up projects. If you think you have a place for him (game people, I’m looking at you), send him a note! He’s an all around wonderful guy, and (clearly) full of ideas.

Oh – and he speaks Japanese.

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From the Alder’s web site: this animation of the transit of Venus. 1000 people at the planetarium – but were any of them doing Tai Chi?

It was a pleasant trip out to the bay – but I am happy to be back and near my books and calendars and plans. Without them I have a hard time working – so many things to distract and absorb one’s attention. The closer I get to finishing, the more distracting time away from home becomes. It is tempting to extend the stay, and daydream that I’ve already defended…

While primarily a short vacation, I’d also scheduled some meetings for this trip with the folks at Maxis – both of which I enjoyed thoroughly. It is nice to meet new people, talk about games and generally stick a toe into the pool that is a normal life, with a job, and so on. It made me wish I could peek one year into my future, to see where I end up.

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In addition to my meetings, I visited with little lady Clementine. Her cuteness is still in full effect, and as always, her parents were gracious hosts. Oakland is really a wonderful place, and each time I visit I fall a little more in love with it.

I also visited Japantown for the first time – spending the afternoon with Lulu – experiencing my freak magnet (it is super powerful in SF) while shopping for Multiball pens, strange stuffed animals and expensive jeans. On a whim, we had Indian buffet for lunch – ha!

I had some great eats on this trip, actually. The Patisserie Delanghe alone was worth the trip. Not only did the cute counterboy give us free pastry and compliment our smiles – each morsel was heavenly! Brunching at Niebaum Coppella, I tried the Sofia Mini… cute AND crisp AND portable. Ramen Club was spectacular, and even my home-made pasta sauce was extra yummy. Must be something in the water out there.

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My return flight was actually kind of a mess – I had to spend many hours on the phone with STA to clear up a hitch in the booking. But the ticket I finally procured (which passed through LAX) led to a spur-of-the-moment visit with Justin and Joyce. We drank lemonade and whisky (mixed, that is) and made the world’s greatest mashed potatoes (secret: Lawry’s Seasoned Salt). We met some folks, watched a bit of Conan the Barbarian (lots of Governor jokes)… and then I took the red-eye home.

Good food, great pens, great people. What more could a girl ask for? SF and LA pix are posted here.

The first pass at my E3 pictures is done. I split them up into sections again – so that I could comment on different aspects of the show. Still have to do the pictures from the Missy show and Invasiv BBQ.

Anyhow – you can see them here. Just in time for me to fill up the camera with photos in SF. More when I get back!

I did it – I stayed up and went to the beach to see the transit.

At about 5:30 I started walking over, slowly. You could still see the moon in the sky, and from the el stop things looked discouragingly hazy. But by the time I got to Sheridan the sun was warm enough to feel, and very bright, low in the sky.

Not a lot of people, at first – but as it approached 6, things started to pick up. I walked past the pier towards Foster beach and found a nice couple who were willing to share their viewer. As I suspected, Venus’ shadow looked like a tiny dot. It was so small I wonder now if I didn’t imagine it.

I asked if they thought they would be in Chicago for the next one: in 2012. “Sure, why not?” the girl said, smiling.

I took photos of the sun against trees, buildings, people. I think the tai-chi pictures are my favorite, then the fishermen. I always wonder: do they eat what they catch?

Time to sleep.

Tomorrow at sunrise, Venus’ shadow will cross the face of the sun. On the banks of the Nile and on the coasts of South Africa, people will assemble to see the event. Here on the Chicago lakeshore, people might just see it too… that is, “if the sky is clear and the lake is not too hazy”. Thanks to Mark for the link to US time tables. These are in “universal time” so you have to translate them for your time zone. Don’t forget about Daylight Saings.

This means that if it’s gonna show here (in the egress, just as it’s leaving the sun’s permimter), it’ll be right around 6. I’ve been on a 4am schedule – going to sleep that is. Maybe I’ll stay up a bit longer, and see if anyone is out on Thorndale beach with a pinhole viewer and sunglasses?

Of course, it’s just a shadow. Nothing compared to the views beamed home by the Magellan in the early 90’s. How cool would it be to see the Volcano Sapas Mons up close – or stand overlooking the Ovda Regio highland? Wearing proper boots and eye-protection, of course.

According to its description:

“Ovda Regio covers an area 6,300 kilometers by 2,100 kilometers (3,900 miles by 1,300 miles), rises over 3 kilometers (1.9 miles) above the surrounding plains, and is made up of complex ridge terrain, also know as tessera. At the bottom right of this scene, along the northern edge of the highland, are a series east-west trending ridges that are interpreted to have formed by northwest-southeast-oriented compression. In several places the ridges are flooded by radar-dark (smooth) lava flows, indicating that volcanic activity postdates the formation of the ridges. The terrain in the interior of Ovda forms a chaotic pattern indicating multiple directions of deformation.”

I like the way that last sentence sounds, for some reason.

I had two parties to attend this weekend: Rob’s belated birthday celebration, and my friend Jeb’s housewarming. I also played “The Sims: Bustin’ Out on the PS2, and went to see the Mountain Goats at the Empty Bottle.

It was nice to relax, to go out. I spent time talking with people I really care for and respect, listened to some good music and drank some tasty scotch (and Matt’s fabulous “ghetto Italian punch” – Amaretto and Lipton instant iced tea!). I nibbled on snacks, played Karaoke Revolution, and made new friends. John answered a question about the first song of his I ever heard (about the death-dealing physician) and I got a great t-shirt.

Saturday I gamed all day, stopping only to shower and primp for Jeb’s party. I wore a new paisley silk skirt (first time – had it since March) and matching pink heels. I don’t dress up too often, now that I bike to work most days and spend most evenings in front of a computer. I miss it.

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After the party last night, my good friend Karen stayed over. This morning we sat around eating crepes, drinking coffee and talking about the differences between unstructured creative work (for example, “Noise Terrorism”) and more bounded forms of expression (such as ballet). We discussed the ways in which our friends – creatives of various types – had chosen to balance flexibility with practiced, developed strengths or “hardness” as she put it. It was a great conversation.

Eventually, Karen left and I cleaned up the kitchen. Watered all my plants, fed my fish, took out the garbage, and started laundry. By the time I looked at the clock it was almost 7, and the sun was starting to set. I ate my favorite lunch (tuna fish on wheat toast + kosher pickle) and watched the leaves on the trees outside my apartment turn orange in the fading light. Paul and Ben came home and practiced a bit – we talked about different ways Paul could accompany Ben as he raps really really fast – sometimes with mouth percussion, other times with noise or hand/instrument percussion and sounds.

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I love all these things – going to see live music, attending parties… spending time talking with my girlfriends, organizing my space and doing chores, contemplating creativity, sound, the changing seasons. In isolation, or too often, each would wear on me. But together – they create a great balance of inputs and outputs, give me occasions to talk and dance and drink and think and generally feel alive and fabulous.

But I feel a bit guilty now – like I wasted the weekend.

How appropriate, then, that Seth sent me this quote from a friend’s blog, which describes a talk given to group of “women in science” here at Northwestern:

“She began by listing five things on the chalk board:

• a successful career
• a “satisfied” spouse
• happy children
• a clean, organized home, and
• a thriving social life

Then she turned to a group of graduate students (mostly women) and said, “you can’t have all of these things, so pick two or three.”

Indeed.

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And yet… trying to work through the tasks of a Sim job track (Fashion Victim, of course!), I found myself making similar decisions…

Should I spend precious time socializing with roommates and friends (so as to increase my overall popularity), or play, read and paint (so I’m skilled and happy enough to get promotions at work)? Which is the better buy: a new comfortable bed that guarantees restful sleep, or exercise equipment that will help my Sim stay trim? How many days in a row *should* she catch the bus to work? When would it be better for everyone if she stayed in and did nothing but chores? Or threw a party?

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I wonder… Do we all end up making these kinds of choices – regardless of gender? Am I being unrealistic or selfish when I say I want to live a well-rounded life that includes a welcoming home, a social life, a career and a partner who can help me walk the dog or raise some kids? Or will I just feel perpetually harried – constantly juggling tasks so as to avoid deciding which pursuits and passions make the cut?

If so – why is the above advice about being “a woman in science”? Is it because women still do most of the housework and childrearing – even in “modern” relationships – that we get the choices speech?

What gives?

In my mailbox this afternoon – a copy of the Sun Times girl gamer article (which got the cover of the Entertainment Section). See a scan of the first interior page (what an awesome job Bob did with the photo!) and the (slightly corrected) text of the article.

To explain – I think in the rush and gush of our discussion (I speak very quickly – especially about things I care about) Misha missed the context switch between GDC and E3. So I inserted an [E3] in the quote. My extended, somewhate peevy thoughts on the Microsoft stuff are in this post.

I’ve also linked the article to the GDC photos page, where there is a discussion of the awards I considered giving out at E3. I’m still considering it – tho perhaps awarding them by a vote, instead of just relying upon my own personal observations and analysis. I wonder – would people help by sending in photos, ads and examples for a Boobie awards page?

I suppose I could start it and see…

Good:

• The Magnetic Fields: I. “I Wish I Had An Evil Twin” and “I Don’t Believe You” are now in heavy rotation – tho my favorite set of lines is quite possibly:

  She will fast be outcast from her castle with nary a friend,
  But since she’s a princess there’s hints of a prince in the end.
  She’ll enjoy some employ as a boy with her named changed to Pip.
  Soon, by gum she’ll become the brave captain of some pirate ship.

• My new albino clawed frogcost 10 bucks, and has already provided 10 times that in entertainment. It is the only thing that is not afraid of the big, evil turquoise cichlid. BTW: I think at this point, it’s safe to say I’m obsessed with my aquariums. Perhaps this relates somehow to my love of pirates?

• Feeling like finally, really, honestly, I’m close to graduating.

Bad:

• Losing your saved game.
• Sending email to the wrong person.
• Finding your long-lost, favorite mug on a prof’s desk.

So I finished Red Sorghum yesterday – have been reading a little bit every morning while I eat, and a little each night before I sleep. It was dramatic, sad, comical, and absurd. I recommend it.

That is – if you’re up for some… humanity. The story focuses on a single Chinese family (mostly father and son, but also relatives and their villages), as they suffer intense cruelties at the hands of Japanese soldiers. It then draws a parallel between the crimes of the Japanese invaders and the betrayals of family: primarily those springing from carelessness, forgetfulness, greed and passion.

Death, dismemberment, suffering (by humans and dogs, from humans and dogs) are liberally sprinkled throughout the flashback-structured narrative. Themes include cannibalism, the colors red, green and black (soil, dogs, rivers of wine, water or blood), torture (physical, emotional, mental), drowning and exploding (canine and human, mostly – but also a lot of talk of fish and eels in these unfortunate situations), lust, regret, and majestic sorghum. Precise and poetic, the author also wallows in places. He isn’t above fart jokes, and seems obsessed with the uncontrollable movement of bowels (most often in response to fear or pain).

Two scenes – the skinning of a character you come to admire (after you read about his gruesome death) and the rape of a woman you come to despise (just before you realize she’s actually a good person) – left me feeling sapped and heavy. But in a good way, if that makes sense. Even so, I still find it difficult to imagine the Japanese in such a brutal mood. Naively, perhaps – I found myself wondering: “This, from the people who created Hello Kitty?”

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And speaking of Japan, Junko wrote to say she picked up a Flip Flap for me in Tokyo – it should arrive sometime next week. Also, it looks as if there is going to be a sequel to Katamari – and possibly more.